Ripples

How Parental Abandonment Can Lead to Bad Choices

In the journey of life, the influence of parents can shape the paths we take, the decisions we make, and ultimately, the individuals we become. Yet, for some, the absence of parental guidance leaves a profound void that can lead to a series of challenging circumstances and decisions. Parental abandonment, whether physical or emotional, can have far-reaching effects, often steering individuals towards a tumultuous road fraught with bad choices and difficult consequences.

**The Wound of Abandonment**

Parental abandonment can manifest in various forms, ranging from physical absence due to separation, divorce, or death, to emotional unavailability, neglect, or rejection. Regardless of the circumstances, the impact can be profound and long-lasting. For many, the feeling of abandonment plants a seed of insecurity and self-doubt, fostering a desperate search for validation and belonging.

In the absence of parental support and guidance, individuals may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms as a means of numbing the pain or filling the void left by abandonment. Substance abuse, reckless behavior, and self-destructive habits can all serve as temporary distractions from the underlying emotional turmoil. Without a stable foundation of support and guidance, the allure of these destructive coping mechanisms can become overwhelming, leading to a cycle of bad choices and negative consequences.

**The Quest for Connection**

Human beings are inherently social creatures, wired for connection and belonging. When parental figures are absent or unavailable, individuals may seek out alternative sources of connection, often gravitating towards peer groups or relationships that offer a sense of belonging, even if they are toxic or detrimental. Desperate for acceptance and validation, they may be willing to compromise their values and make choices that they later come to regret.

Breaking free from the cycle of parental abandonment and bad choices requires courage, resilience, and a willingness to confront past traumas. It begins with acknowledging the impact of abandonment on one's life and recognizing that the past does not have to dictate the future. Seeking support from therapists, support groups, or trusted mentors can provide a safe space to process emotions, gain insight, and develop healthier coping strategies.

**Finding Healing and Redemption**

While the scars of parental abandonment may never fully fade, there is hope for healing and redemption. By cultivating self-awareness, practicing self-love, and surrounding oneself with positive influences, individuals can reclaim their power and rewrite their narrative. Every step towards healing is a victory, and every choice made in pursuit of growth and self-improvement is a triumph over adversity.

The journey from parental abandonment to bad choices is a challenging one, marked by pain, uncertainty, and self-discovery. Yet, it is also a journey of resilience, strength, and ultimately, redemption. By acknowledging the impact of abandonment, confronting past traumas, and forging a path towards healing, individuals can break free from the cycle of bad choices and create a brighter, more empowered future. Remember, you are not defined by your past, but rather by the choices you make in the present and the person you aspire to become.

Review: The Dhammapada

The Dhammapada by Anonymous
My rating: 5 of 5 stars



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Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

The only acceptable reason to have kids is that you want to nurture and care for another being. That’s it. That’s all of the good reasons. Not because you want someone to take care of you on your old age, not because you want them to take on a certain career. None of that. To have such expectations of a child makes it unethical to have one, it lays the foundation for emotional blackmail; as in, ‘I brought you into this world and raised you, had you for this reason so give me that happiness’ No one owes you anything for the things you do out of your own will for your own sake, not even your children.

Growing up in a family with emotionally immature parents is a lonely experience. These parents may look and act perfectly normal, caring for their child’s physical health and providing meals and safety. However, if they don’t make a solid emotional connection with their child, the child will have a gaping hole where true security might have been. The loneliness of feeling unseen by others is as fundamental a pain as physical injury, but it doesn’t show on the outside. Emotional loneliness is a vague and private experience, not easy to see or describe. You might call it a feeling of emptiness or being alone in the world. Some people have called this feeling existential loneliness, but there’s nothing existential about it. If you feel it, it came from your family.

Everything everywhere all at once is about intergenerational trauma. About depression and passive suicidality and the gravitational appeal of nothingness. About aging, getting older in your twenties and getting older in your fifties. About the specific hurt mothers can cause their daughters and daughters their mothers. About the harsh reality of the immigrant experience and the american dream. But it’s mostly about kindness and family and it’s about choosing to sit at home talking about taxes with someone who loves you, and it’s about telling your daughter that you’d choose her over the entire universe, and it’s about how even in the universes where life didn’t form, love can still exist. And it’s really all of that at once. That daughterhood feeling of wanting to blame your mother for how you turned out, wanting to be angry at her for how you’ve inherited her pain and her insecurities, but at the same time wanting to keep coming home to her, out of everyone else in the universe, because you know that if there’s anyone who might be anything like you-if there’s anyone who might even have a clue of what it’s like to be you-it could only be her.

And, Fathers believe that paying the bills and bringing in the money gives them a free pass to be a passive parent. There is a big difference being a father who works and may not be able to spend all day with the kid, but is actively involved in child rearing, making important decisions and giving their all when they can into making sure the child isn’t neglected vs being a passive, absent parent. 

Stop forcing child to have relationships with emotionally abusive family members. You’re not teaching them ”family first” you’re teaching them regardless of how someone treats them they’re suppose to love them unconditionally and that’s not a good lesson. If you’re not prepared for your child to think differently from you, don’t have children. If you’re not prepared for your child to be disabled or chronically ill, don’t have children. If you’re not prepared for a child with autism or mental illness, don’t have children. You can lead a perfectly happy and fulfilling life without having a child just to traumatize them and make both you and your children’s lives miserable.

 VIA Medium by Maya Hayyas

Kyle Noble Quandel, Noble Quande, Quandell

Be Your Own Hero

Please, I urge you, do not waste your precious human rebirth by following your old habits that have continuously trapped you in samsara - your constant uncontrollably recurring rebirth and suffering since beginningless time.

Remember that you always, always have the following choices in your life.

Generosity will destroy your miserliness.

Discipline will destroy your harmfulness.

Patience will destroy your intolerance.

Perseverance will destroy your laziness.

Concentration will destroy your distraction.

Wisdom will destroy your ignorance.

If you can give up your old habits that have trapped you in samsara, and practice this buddhadharma, I promise that sooner or later you will be free.

You have been shown the path that leads to your freedom. But you must understand, that even though you will always be assisted along the way, nobody, absolutely nobody can walk it for you.

~ Chamtrul Rinpoche

KYLE QUANDEL

No Mud, No Lotus

The lotus flower, a symbol of awakening in Buddhist and other spiritual traditions, blooms in the muckiest, muddiest swamps. Its roots begin under the swamp water and its buds reach their way to the surface where they burst forth into stunning pink or white flowers. If you want the beauty of the lotus flower, there is no getting around the mud.

What’s your mud right now? What is your lotus?

KYLE QUANDEL